Most people deal with challenges like fights over money, lack of intimacy, or parenting differences...it's when these problems get out of hand that one partner or the other becomes worried and wants to seek help. When unhealthy patterns are contributing to problems and you want to go to couples therapy to work through them, it can be hard to know just how to approach this discussion. And if they are unreceptive to the idea, how to convince the other partner to go with you.
Couples therapy, also known as marriage and family therapy, is a helpful process for relationships - it can improve communication, intimacy, and overall relationship satisfaction. Couples therapy can be a challenging but ultimately beneficial experience for both partners.
A good therapist can provide a safe and supportive environment for couples to work through their issues. Couples counseling is a type of therapy that focuses on improving relationships and can be beneficial for couples who are experiencing difficulties, although working with a therapist can be beneficial even before any challenges exist.
Marriage counseling is another term for couples therapy, and it can be helpful for couples who are struggling with communication, trust, or other issues.
A couples therapist can help partners develop healthy communication skills and work through unresolved issues - it’s a great way to improve relationships and can prevent divorce in some cases. Even for those who aren't currently experiencing challenges, attending couples therapy may help couples develop a stronger, more fulfilling relationship—you can look at it as an investment in your partnership.
Couples therapy skills, such as active listening and empathy, can be learned and practiced in therapy sessions. Relationship counseling can also help couples navigate difficult conversations and conflicts in a healthy way.
Family therapy can also be beneficial for couples who are experiencing issues related to parenting or other family dynamics.
Before talking to your partner about attending couples therapy, it’s essential to connect emotionally and find a good time to have the conversation.
You may feel connected when experiencing a positive moment, like watching a comedy show together. It's best to bring up the idea of couples therapy when you are not feel overwhelmed or before, during, or after a fight. Carving out a time when you are typically relaxed with your partner is typically your best bet.
When you start the conversation, be honest and open about your desires and concerns, and try to avoid blaming or being critical. Listen non-defensively to your partner’s feelings and concerns, and try to understand their perspective. Avoid the blame game and focus on finding solutions and improving your relationship.
When talking to your partner about attending couples therapy, be sure to approach the conversation in a gentle and non-confrontational way.
Use active listening communication skills, such as making “I” statements to express your feelings and avoid blaming or accusing your partner. For example, instead of saying "you never come home on time!", you could say, "I get worried when you don't come home when I expect you to."
Focus on the benefits of couples therapy, such as improved communication and a stronger relationship. Explain that you want to be a better partner, and learn how to better understand their perspective while sharing your own.
Emphasize your commitment to your partner and your desire to work through issues together. For example, "I don't feel like we talk enough about how we're feeling, and I want to feel closer to you. A couples therapist can help us learn to communicate more openly.
Be patient and understanding, and try not to push your partner if they are resistant to the idea. Try to give them time to think about it and hopefully see things differently.
If your partner is resistant to the idea of attending couples therapy, try to understand their concerns and address them in a gentle and non-confrontational way. When you make your partner feel safe, it can make the conversation easier and more effective.
Validate their feelings and concerns, while also emphasizing the benefits of couples therapy. There can be a stigma attached to therapy for some people, and pushing is the wrong way to change their mind. You can offer to attend one session together to see if it’s a good fit, and be open to finding a different therapist if needed.
Avoid being critical, and try to focus on moving forward and improving your relationship. Remember that attending couples therapy is a process, and it may take time for your partner to feel comfortable with the idea.
Effective communication is key to successful couples therapy. You can start the process by learning how to listen actively and express yourself clearly. Practice empathy and understanding, and try to see things from your partner’s perspective.
If the relationship feels salvageable, it can be well worth the effort to convince your partner to go to couples therapy.
Once you and your partner have decided to attend couples therapy, take the next steps to find a therapist and schedule a session. Be open and honest with your therapist about your concerns and goals, and try to be patient and understanding throughout the process.
Remember that attending couples therapy is a process, and it may take time to see results. Focus on finding solutions and improving your relationship, and try to avoid blaming or being critical. With the right therapist and a commitment to the process, couples therapy can be a highly effective way to improve your relationship.
However, if after an honest conversation, one partner decides not to go to couples therapy, you can also decide to meet with a therapist individually. Working with a therapist yourself can not only offer clarity in your own life and relationship, it can also offer tools and strategies for getting your partner or spouse involved in the process.
Therapy can heal rifts between partners and reestablish lost intimacy. It can be worth trying to encourage your partner to join you, but if they aren't interested, you can get started on your own.
At Williamsburg Therapy Group, our team of doctoral-level psychotherapists in Chicago’s Fulton Market District offers a number of evidence-based therapeutic approaches to talk therapy that offer the tools necessary for building positive relationships, learning how to talk to each other when something is wrong, and sharing communication techniques that show respect to your partner even when you're angry or upset.
If you are having trouble navigating relationship issues and feel there's little hope for change, call our service coordinator to be matched with a therapist that can offer strategies and support for conflict resolution and building intimacy, as well as share other strategies to improve conversation with your partner and improve intimacy in your relationship.