The situation is not uncommon...you've broken up with your partner, and all of your friends and family are delighted. "You're so much better off!" they all insist, and while you may agree intellectually that your partner was not a good partner to you, your heart still longs for them. Whether your unhealthy relationship suffered from an ex-boyfriend who was a drug addict or you were exhausted by a narcissistic ex, it's completely normal to miss them post-breakup. But how can you move forward and heal from all this?
Healing from a toxic relationship requires conscious effort and a willingness to let go of the past. It’s normal to miss your ex, but it’s essential to focus on personal growth and self-esteem. Understanding that you deserve a healthy relationship is the first step towards healing.
Learn to recognize the signs of a toxic ex, such as narcissistic abuse or emotional manipulation, as this can also help you move forward. Finally, setting healthy boundaries and prioritizing self-care are crucial for recovery from a toxic ex.
Toxic relationships can be damaging to your mental and emotional well-being. Over time, your self-esteem may take a hit, and you may lose sight of your good qualities, as well as feel guilty about things that were never your fault. By learning to identify the toxic behaviors, such as love bombing or gaslighting, you can start to understand why you’re missing your ex and make sense of why a few moments of happiness can trump an almost entirely painful relationship.
Acknowledging the false hope that your ex will change can help you break free from the cycle of abuse, while recognizing that you’re not alone and that many people have experienced similar situations can provide comfort.
By understanding the dynamics of a toxic relationship, you can begin to develop strategies for healing.
Missing your ex can be due to a variety of reasons, including the loss of a daily life routine. When you're fresh off a breakup, even one you may have initiated, all the bad stuff doesn't seem as important, and you may see everything through a nostalgic filter. Your toxic ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend may come off as kinder and more supportive than they ever were during your relationship.
Feeling sad or experiencing self-doubt is completely normal, but it’s essential to focus on your own worth. Good memories can be misleading, making you forget about the bad times in your past relationship.
Some other reasons you might miss a toxic ex include:
Here's a reality check: you deserve to be in a healthy relationship where you feel valued and respected. Toxic people can make you feel like they were the most important thing in your life and that you will never find anyone better, but this is not true. Even if you miss your ex to the point of physical pain, this moment will pass, and you will start talking to others, people who care about your well-being.
Cutting contact with your ex is often necessary for healing. Set boundaries, such as blocking phone calls or social media, to help you move on. Avoid places or activities that remind you of your ex to reduce feelings of nostalgia.
Spend time focusing on new routines and activities so that you build a new life without your toxic ex. Practice self-care, such as prioritizing getting enough sleep, getting regular exercise, and spending time with supportive friends and family.
Focusing on the present moment can help you let go of the past. Practicing mindfulness, such as meditation or deep breathing, can help you stay grounded. Engaging in activities that bring you joy, such as spending time with friends or trying new hobbies, can help improve your mood.
Set goals for the future, such as starting a new relationship or pursuing a new career, to help you feel hopeful. Remember that time passes and that things will get better.
Letting go of the past and your ex is necessary for healing. Acknowledge that the relationship has ended and that it’s time to move on. Confront why the relationship ended, asking loaded questions about what makes your ex toxic. Practice self-compassion, and live in the moment to help release feelings of nostalgia.
Revisit your own core principles. Think about what makes you happy and what you find important in life. Rediscovering your identity and sense of self is essential for healing. Explore new interests and hobbies to help develop a new sense of purpose and direction. Surrounding yourself with positive and supportive people can help you build confidence, while focusing on your own worth and value can help you develop a stronger sense of self.
Building a support system of friends, family, or a therapist can provide a sense of security and comfort. Surround yourself with positive and supportive people to help you build your self-confidence. Share your feelings and experiences with others to help you process your emotions.
Focus on building healthy relationships to help you develop a stronger sense of self, and remember that you’re not alone and that many people have experienced similar situations. Not everyone feels secure facing a breakup alone; don't feel bad leaning on your friends to stop missing a toxic ex.
Healing from a toxic relationship takes time and effort, but it’s possible. Focusing on personal growth, self-esteem, and self-care can help you move forward. Surrounding yourself with positive and supportive people can provide a sense of security and comfort. Remembering that you deserve to be happy and fulfilled can help you stay motivated. You are a strong person who deserves to be in a healthy and loving relationship.
At Williamsburg Therapy Group, our clinical practice of doctoral-level Fulton Market psychotherapists allow you to work with a trained professional that can offer a variety of practical strategies that can help you learn to identify why you miss your ex, process your feelings, and guide you toward healing from your past relationship and focusing on future relationships.
With the right support, it’s possible to learn how to free yourself from missing your ex. If you have been thinking about seeking help, reach out to our customer service coordinator to get matched with a professional who can offer tools and strategies to restore self worth, and help you learn to overcome fear of intimacy, process past trauma, and move forward with confidence.