Do you feel like the only person in your family that isn't celebrated, or that you are always on the receiving end of emotional drama? Not everyone has an idyllic family life, and when you grow up with poor family dynamics, it can impact your relationships from casual friends to romantic partners. Exclusion hurts, and in this article we'll explore ways you can heal from social rejection and build toward gaining social acceptance with others.
Few people experience perfect family life, but when you find yourself as the scapegoator neglected child of a family, intentionally left out of family life, your self-esteem can suffer. Feeling left out of family activities or gatherings can be a painful experience, affecting your mental health and self-worth.
It’s normal to feel hurt when excluded by loved ones, and acknowledging these emotions is the first step towards healing. Childhood emotional neglect or existing relationships within the family can contribute to feelings of exclusion. You may find that you found it difficult to meet new people in school, feel nervous about going to a party, or feel excluded by coworkers that you're supposed to work with for no discernible reason.
Understanding the root causes of your feelings can help you address them more effectively, learn how to join and maintain friendships, and belong to groups without feeling excluded.
Reflect on specific instances where you felt left out can help you identify patterns or triggers. Take some time to consider whether you’re feeling excluded due to intentional actions or unintentional oversights, such as being left out of a group chat or not being invited to a wedding party.
Evaluate your relationships with family and friends to help you determine if there are any underlying issues that need to be addressed. By identifying the causes of your feelings, you develop a plan to cope with them.
For example, if you realize that you feel hurt by occasional misunderstandings or feel annoyed because you feel misunderstood, it can be helpful to have an honest conversation with your family about your feelings.
You may also feel left out because you hold very different values than the rest of your family. It can make you feel like the odd person out when you have strong disagreements about right and wrong, hold to different talking points, and have very different opinions about different political events that have happened.
Of course, if this is a larger pattern of neglect that is born of toxic family dynamics such as golden child/scapegoat parenting of you and your siblings, there may be more complicated problems that need to be sorted out, and you may be in need of professional support to help navigate your feelings.
The following tips can help you manage feelings of exclusion in a healthy way.
Openly communicating your feelings to a trusted family member or close friend can help you process your emotions and gain a new perspective. Take a close friend out to their favorite restaurant and see what they have to say about your situation.
In the meantime, build up your other social networks. Spend time with close friends, co-workers, and other friend circles. Engage in new interests, meet-ups, or social activities to help you meet new friends and expand your social circle, reducing feelings of exclusion. When you're invited to friendships on your own terms, it doesn't matter as much what happened in the past, and you may learn to grow as a person and have fun with others.
Spending free time with good friends or loved ones who accept and support you can help counterbalance feelings of being left out. Cultivate and maintain your friendships, and cherish them.
Focus on self-care and stress-reducing activities to help you manage emotions and improve your mental health.
Practicing self-compassion and acknowledging your self-esteem can help you build resilience against feelings of exclusion. Recognizing that you’re not alone in feeling left out can help you feel more connected to others who may be experiencing similar emotions.
You can reduce stress by spending time on self-care practices such as:
Reaching out to a mental health professional can provide you with guidance and support as you navigate complex emotions and relationships. You may have a hard time joining social groups, meeting new people, or feeling that you belong due to a sense of rejection from your family.
While talking to a trusted parent, friend, or family member can offer a fresh perspective and help you feel heard and understood, this may not help if you have difficulty speaking about your problems.
You may join a support group or online community that can connect you with others who are experiencing similar challenges and emotions. Knowing that other people are dealing with the same stuff can help you gain a sense of feeling more included in a new group.
Working with a therapist can help you work through your pain, talk about how you felt bad in the past, and help you to become more personally involved with others.
Seeking help is a sign of strength, and it’s okay to ask for support when you need it.
Focusing on the present moment and letting go of past hurts can help you move forward and heal. Practicing forgiveness and understanding can help you release negative emotions and improve your relationships.
Setting boundaries and prioritizing your own needs can help you feel more in control and confident.
Celebrating your strengths and accomplishments can help you build self-esteem and feel more positive about your life.
Feeling left out of your family can be a challenging and painful experience, but it’s not uncommon. Most people feel like they've been left out, but it can cause greater pain when family is involved. Rather than letting in lead to a cycle of feeling rejected, you can take action. By understanding the causes of your feelings, developing coping strategies, and seeking support, you can heal and move forward no matter what.
At Williamsburg Therapy Group, our clinical practice of doctoral-level Williamsburg psychotherapists allows you to work with a trained professional that can offer a variety of practical strategies that can help you learn to identify why you are feeling left out, process your feelings, and guide you toward healing with your family if possible, and toward strong friendships and other social groups if not.
With the right support, it’s possible to learn how to free yourself. If you have been thinking about seeking help, reach out to our customer service coordinator to get matched with a professional who can offer tools and strategies to restore self-esteem and help you learn to enjoy friends and co-workers and family that accept you. Remember that you deserve to feel loved, accepted, and valued, and that it’s okay to prioritize your own needs and emotions. With time, patience, and support, you can build resilience and develop a more positive and compassionate relationship with yourself and others.