Some people seem able to cry in any moment, even when watching a sentimental commercial. Other people cry only when broken under the weight of enormous levels of grief or stress. Crying is a normal and natural way to allow your feelings to process, and a good cry can release enormous amounts of stress. However, many of us repress crying because we don't feel comfortable being sad, or we are embarrassed to let ourselves or anyone else see our vulnerability.
In this article, we'll explore the healing aspects of crying and how we can learn to be open to tears in a way that can help release stress in the body and bring peace to the mind.
Crying is a natural and healthy way to process emotions, reducing stress and anxiety, but societal expectations as well as repression in childhood can make people feel that crying is not an option. The following are research-backed facts about crying:
There are a number of reasons why a person may be unable to cry. Physical conditions like dry eye, Sjogren’s syndrome, and other conditions can affect tear ducts and impact tear production, making it hard to cry, while mental health medications like selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) can affect emotional processing and inhibit crying.
More commonly, internalized stigma and shame can make it difficult to express emotions, especially in front of others. For older generations especially, the only time a man is able to cry is at a traumatic event like the death of a parent or spouse. Finally, difficulty crying can be a sign of emotional repression or trapped emotions.
If you are finding it difficult to shed tears, but the pain is building up, you can help facilitate crying by creating a safe space for yourself. Find a private and comfortable space where you feel safe to express your emotions. Create a relaxing atmosphere with calming music or nature sounds. You may consider writing in a journal or engaging in creative activities can help process your feelings.
Talking to a friend or loved one about your emotional struggles can be helpful. If you have someone you trust in your life, share how you feel with them. You may not necessarily be able to cry with them, but talking can also help release some of the pain you're feeling.
You can also take steps to manipulate tears through media. Listen to sad music, such as breakup playlists or orchestral music, to get the tears flowing. Sad music is different for everyone, so listen to what gets you going emotionally.
You can also sit and watch sad movies or TV shows, such as “Lord of the Rings” or “Grey’s Anatomy," that have made you weepy in the past.
Read a poignant story or watch a sad movie to stimulate tears and help give voice to your feelings. Sometimes crying is easier when you imagine the pain or sadness of others, but these tears can also help process the sadness in your own body.
You shouldn't expose yourself to anything traumatic, but there's nothing wrong with deliberately watching impactful content in order to get yourself out of the numbness of busy life. Watching a soldier return home to her children can be just the tug on the heartstrings you need to allow yourself to fully feel and process your own complicated emotions.
Just as there's nothing wrong with crying, there's also nothing wrong with not crying. The way we experience and process emotions doesn't have a right-or-wrong answer—it just needs to be authentic.
There are different ways you can offer yourself relief emotionally. Deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation can help calm the body and mind, making it easier to access and express emotions. Massage is a physical modality that often releases stuck emotions.
Physical activities like exercise or sports can also help release emotions, while yoga and meditation can help you to feel your feelings as well as reduce stress.
Creating art and music can be a great way to put what you're feeling inside into a medium where you can examine it from the outside.
When you're feeling sad in life, don't neglect to engage in activities that bring you joy and help you feel connected to others.
Overcoming repression can take some time, but there are steps you can take to help the process along. First, recognize that it’s okay to express emotions and that crying is a natural response to emotional pain. Next, challenge negative self-talk and internalized stigma around crying. Practice self-compassion and self-care to help you feel more comfortable with emotional expression.
Finally, if you're feeling sad and yet you feel you can't overcome your barriers around crying, you can seek support from a therapist or support group to work through emotional repression.
Don't let negative emotions build up in your body. Consider seeking help from a mental health professional if you’re struggling with emotional repression or difficulty crying. You can also talk to a trusted friend or family member about your emotional struggles or join a support group or online community to connect with others who may be experiencing similar emotions.
First and foremost, remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Crying is a natural and healthy way to work through your emotions, and it’s okay to express emotions. There are many ways to release emotions and find relief, including crying, talking to others, and engaging in creative activities. Remember to prioritize self-care and seek support when needed to maintain emotional well-being.
At Williamsburg Therapy Group, our team of doctoral-level Brooklyn psychotherapists offers a number of evidence-based therapeutic approaches to talk therapy that offer the tools necessary for coping with negative experiences, learning how to respond to emotional cues, and welcoming feelings in a way that you may not yet be able to imagine.
If you are losing sleep over not being able to cry out your feelings, call our service coordinator to be matched with a therapist that can offer social support, treat any underlying mental health condition that may be contributing, help you to maintain healthy habits, set realistic expectations, and manage stress that can help you feel your feelings in a healthy way.