Grief is common, and yet many of us don't actually understand the grieving process very well. Most recognize that there are stages of grief, but how they work and what to expect are often vague concepts. Let's take a closer look at what grieving can look like, and how you can protect your emotional health when you're feeling overwhelmed.
The grieving process is a universal response to dealing with loss, whether due to death, job loss, or significant life change. Rather more than simply "feeling sad", grief is a complex and unique experience for each individual, involving emotional, physical, and mental health changes.
Understanding the grieving process can help individuals make sense of their emotions and find support during the grieving process.
A better understanding of grief can come through studying the five grief stages, developed from the Kubler-Ross Stages of Dying and subsequent models.
The five stages of grief were first described by Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her bestselling book On Death and Dying. The stages are not necessarily linear, and not everyone experiences them in the same way or order. You may skip a stage altogether, or move past a stage and then experience it again. There are no hard rules to the grief journey.
While not always experienced in order or in the same way, understanding the stages can help individuals make sense of their emotions and find support during the grieving process.
The following are the stages of grief as laid out by the Elisabeth Kübler ross model, though how we experience grief is not always the same.
Denial is a common defense mechanism that helps individuals protect themselves from the shock of a difficult situation. It is a normal part of the grieving process, and can be helpful in the short-term. Examples of denial include refusing to accept the reality of a situation or avoiding thoughts and feelings related to the loss. In certain cases, the individual may temporarily create a new reality around the situation to lessen the blow.
The second stage is anger. Anger is also a natural response to loss, and can be directed towards oneself, others, or the situation. It is a normal part of the grieving process, and can be a manifestation of grief. Examples of anger include feeling frustrated, resentful, or irritable.
Bargaining is a stage of grief where individuals attempt to negotiate or make compromises to avoid or alleviate their pain. The bargaining stage is often irrational, and can be a way to regain a sense of control. Examples of bargaining include making deals with a higher power or trying to change the circumstances of the loss.
Depression is a feeling of sadness and hopelessness that can result from loss, and is the most recognized of the stages of grief process. Depression can be a natural reaction to grief, and may also be a symptom of prolonged grief disorder. Symptoms of depression include feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and helplessness.
Acceptance is the final stage of grief, where individuals come to terms with their loss and move forward. It is a process of acknowledging and accepting the reality of the loss. Examples of acceptance include finding ways to celebrate the life of the loved one, cherishing memories, and making plans for the future.
Note: Some experts use stages of grief that include seven stages, which elaborate upon and expand the initial five. The seven stages of the grief model include shock and denial, pain and guilt, anger and the bargaining stage, depression, the upward turn, reconstruction and working through, and finally acceptance and hope.
Sometimes a major loss or a terminal illness can trigger a grief that transcends the typical stages of grief. Complicated grief is a type of grief that deviates from the normal grieving process. It can be characterized by intense emotional pain, prolonged grief, and difficulty moving forward. Prolonged grief disorder is a recognized mental health condition that requires professional support.
If you find that you are having difficulty moving through the healing process of grief, that you are overwhelmed by negative emotions, or that your grieving is negatively impacting your daily life and relationships, therapy can help you to process these feelings and start to move forward.
Coping with grief involves finding healthy ways to manage emotions and move forward. It can involve seeking support from family members, friends, or professionals.
Support groups and mental health resources can provide comfort and guidance during the grieving process.
If you know someone who is experiencing loss or going through a difficult time, you can help. Strong social connections with people who care is a protective factor. Helping someone who is grieving involves being present, listening, and offering support.
Emotional support is good, but practical support can also be extremely helpful. This can involve helping with practical tasks, such as grocery shopping or household chores. This can prove to be even more essential for helping those who are grieving due to a terminal illness, or for someone who is feeling anticipatory grief as they care for dying patients. Grief can be physically exhausting, and helping with daily life may prove to be extremely beneficial in the healing process. You can even create a local support system to take care of your grieving friend.
You may also be integral in encouraging the person to seek professional help, such as a doctor or therapist, or even urge them to look for support groups who might offer the help they need.
There are many resources available for grief support, including online support groups, counseling services, and other resources. Family members who are facing a new reality as they lose a family member, process a diagnosis, or experience any other traumatic event can benefit from checking them out.
Organizations such as the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) and the American Psychological Association (APA) offer resources and support for individuals experiencing grief.
Seeking help from a professional can provide guidance and support during the grieving. Grief is a common process, and while understanding grief can be an important part of working through it, a strong support system can be even more beneficial. Therapy can be a part of that support system.
At Williamsburg Therapy Group our team of doctoral-level psychotherapists offers a number of evidence-based therapeutic approaches to talk therapy that offer the tools necessary for healing past trauma, managing stress, promoting self-care, and learning healthy coping skills and habits that can create strong protective factors against overwhelming grief.
If you are experiencing grief that is impacting your ability to live your life, call our patient coordinator to find the right therapist to help you move forward and heal.