It's not uncommon to occasionally feel guilty or unworthy of the good things in your life. But if this is a pervasive feeling for you, there may be underlying issues that are contributing to the problem.
Feeling undeserving can stem from low self-esteem and negative self-talk, which may have been written into your cognitive script during development. It can help to identify the sources of these feelings, such as past experiences like childhood trauma or perceived flaws that were reinforced through bullying and other social factors.
These feelings can also be a sign of equating performance with self-worth. It can help to acknowledge that everyone deserves happiness and good things, regardless of their past or perceived shortcomings, including yourself. Realize too that feeling like "I don't deserve good things" can be a common phenomenon, and you’re not alone in this experience.
Mental health conditions like depression can contribute to feelings of unworthiness, as can perfectionism and self-criticism, which lead to low self-esteem. These types of challenges don't typically have one root cause but rather stem from a number of contributing factors like personality, environment, genetics, and family history
It may help to recognize how past mistakes or perceived flaws can shape your self-worth, as well as understand factors that can contribute to reinforcing these feelings. Social media can perpetuate feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem, as well as upbringing and ongoing family dynamics.
Often depression manifests as feelings of worthlessness and guilt, and anxiety disorders can also contribute to and exacerbate feeling unworthy or that you don't deserve good things. Sometimes childhood trauma can also lead to feelings of shame and low self-worth, contributing to these disorders or other mental illnesses.
Untreated mental health conditions like depression or anxiety can negatively impact your daily life and relationships; therefore, it can be important to recognize symptoms and professional health for these conditions.
There are some strategies you can use to feel worthy of the good things in your life. If you feel bad about feeling good or struggle with feeling undeserving, you can:
Recognize that everyone, including yourself, deserves happiness and good things, regardless of any past or perceived shortcomings. Understand that your worth is not defined by your achievements or possessions and that you have the right to pursue your passions and interests.
Therapy can also help you learn radical acceptance, the idea being to accept and appreciate yourself, flaws and all. By recognizing that you have value and deserve good things, you can learn to cultivate gratitude and positivity to shift your mindset over time.
If you find that you've tried to feel worthy through practicing self-acceptance and you still don't feel that you deserve good things, you may be dealing with strongly ingrained beliefs or with a mental health condition that exacerbates these thoughts.
Seek help from a trained mental health professional if feelings of low self-worth persist. In the meantime, practice self-care and prioritize your well-being whenever possible. This can look different for everyone, but some common self-care practices may include:
Try to develop a self-compassionate mindset in order to treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Learn to forgive yourself and others to release negative emotions. Use mindfulness practices to focus on the present moment and let go of past regrets.
It can be difficult to know what you want when you've cultivated a mindset that you don't deserve things. The first step can be to identify your values and priorities to determine what you want, need, and deserve in life.
Next, set boundaries and communicate your needs to others. You may have to practice assertiveness techniques to express your desires and needs. Assertiveness is the most effective communication style, and you can find tips for communicating assertively on the American Psychological Association (APA) website.
Finally, learn to receive and accept good things and compliments from others. This can be difficult at first. Start by simply receiving a compliment silently with a smile or saying "thank you" and nothing else. Challenge yourself to keep your mouth shut when you have the urge to say something deprecating about yourself or deny the compliment.
Develop a growth mindset to cultivate self-worth and deservingness while focusing on the present moment and letting go of past regrets. Whenever possible, practice self-care, prioritize your well-being, and surround yourself with positive and supportive people who uplift your self-esteem. If you find that you still have trouble with real life change, seek professional help.
At Williamsburg Therapy Group, our team of doctoral-level Coral Gables psychotherapists allows you to work with a trained professional that can create a treatment plan, offering a variety of practical strategies, healthy coping skills, and techniques that will allow you to improve self-esteem, build self-worth, and become the kind of person that recognizes their value in life.
Don’t hesitate to seek help if you’re struggling with feeling that you deserve good things out of life. With the right support, it’s possible to learn the idea that every person deserves a life of connection, hope, and happiness. If you have been thinking about seeking help, reach out to our customer service coordinator to get matched with a professional who can offer tools and strategies to manage symptoms of depression or anxiety, build self-esteem, and learn to expect good things in life.