While the media focuses on the importance of a wedding day, there are so many more things to discuss before marriage to ensure that your relationship is healthy and happy. A wedding is often a significant religious event that, for many, pledges a lifetime of partnership. Like other significant religious event plans, a wedding ceremony should have a foundation of both education and understanding. Before taking the plunge, find out whether you are on the same page as your future spouse on different aspects of professional, personal, and family life.
Being a partner means discussing shared values and developing an understanding, especially on opposing viewpoints. Sharing values doesn’t mean agreeing on everything; it’s more like being on the same page about what things mean, and understanding yours and your partner's expectations and boundaries. Respect should always be present in a relationship, especially in married life.
Understanding any expectations and accommodations that may come up around religion or spirituality, and how they fit into your shared lives can be essential to your future life. Respecting each other’s beliefs and values is important, as is open communication to navigate these differences. You may start by deciding whether you will have a religious wedding ceremony.
Discussing core values and where they align or differ is an important way to start married life, and you may want to explore how these beliefs will be translated into your daily life. Certain differences in faith or political beliefs can affect how you will raise children, should you choose to have them.
Discussing spending habits, priorities, and financial goals is one of the most important things you can discuss before marriage. One of the most common topics for fights is finance. Talk about day-to-day spending habits, consider whether you will combine finances or keep a separate bank account, and figure out budgeting, how much debt to carry, and policies on lending money to family or friends.
Don't forget to discuss future acquisitions, including inheritances and gifts from family. If one or both parties bring substantial property to the marriage, consider a prenuptial agreement.
Knowing how to handle not having enough money can help you avoid future trouble. Successful couples don’t just know how to handle money; they also know how to handle not having enough of it. Learn about each other's financial stressors and expectations.
Share your vision for the future and career goals with each other, and don't neglect your own dream for someone else's. You can explore flexibility in career choices and your willingness to move for work, which may be affected by whether you are looking at a lifelong dream career or "just a job." Consider living arrangements, work schedules, maternity or paternity leave, and even retirement plans.
Expectations for daily life and household chores are important topics of conversation. Explore your routines, standards, work hours, meal planning, and grocery shopping. Don't forget to also decide how much alone time each of you needs, and how you will work it out for you both to get it.
Thinking and sharing about the impact your parents had on your outlook on relationships, and what you’d want a partner to know about your approach can help you avoid future trouble. How much interaction do you want with your parents? Family obligations change over time, and how much are you willing to change to accommodate friends and family dynamics and expectations?
Discuss how to deal with family relationships, get-togethers, and maybe even annoying relatives that can put a toll on your relationship. Troublesome in-laws can be a cliche, but they're worth talking about. It’s essential to understand each other’s family dynamics and expectations. Talk frankly about what the boundaries of each relationship are, and decide which discussions you consider private as a couple.
Despite our best intentions, trouble will come to every relationship. Discuss how to handle disagreements and conflicts, and know how to bring up sensitive issues when you’re not sure how your partner will react. You can even practice your preferred conversation starters when things are good.
Learn how to handle trauma and stress in a relationship. Knowing where the triggers are can help partners navigate them and support each other. Understanding each other's personal history and how it affects your relationship can minimize trauma and emotional fights.
A discussion about wanting or not wanting children and the timeframe for starting a family is important, as is exploring parenting style, values, and beliefs. Childcare arrangements and budgeting for a family should also be part of this talk.
Stuff that seems inconsequential can seem like a deal breaker under the right circumstances. Make sure you understand what you want in all aspects of life, even things that may not seem like a huge deal in the moment. This can include things like your dream break, dream house, or dream car, how to spend a holiday dealing with in-laws, being totally honest about how much interaction you're willing to have with in-laws and other family members who don't have the same political views, tricky conversations about blended family rules, and more.
Give some thought to how to keep the spark alive in the relationship, exploring ways to prioritize quality time together. It can be essential to understand each other’s love languages and expectations, as well as each other's needs and desires. Talk about ways to prioritize communication and conflict resolution to avoid drifting apart.
Plan for significant religious events and ceremonies, as well as other family traditions. Get a basic idea of what is important to your partner. Do they expect an action-packed camping trip every year or have a specific family reunion that they find essential to attend? For a successful marriage, it's important to understand each other’s expectations and goals around their own celebrations and shared personal histories.
Marriage involves discussing how to respect each other’s beliefs and values, and exploring ways to prioritize open communication and empathy. It can be essential to understand each other’s needs and desires, from a dream holiday home to sex life.
It's not uncommon to feel that your relationship is running into challenges at times. Many of us are unsure of how to manage conflict, and life can get in the way. We work unpredictable hours, deal with family situations like aging parents, and have conflict with each other's friends and family members. Therapy can help us navigate day-to-day life in a healthy way.
At Williamsburg Therapy Group, our team of doctoral-level psychotherapists offers evidence-based therapeutic approaches for behavioral couples therapy that can help increase intimacy and build healthy relationships through emotional connection, and a deeper understanding of your partner.
Give us a call today, and our patient coordinator will help you find the right Brooklyn therapist to offer emotional support as well as tools and strategies to help you build strong communication skills, resolve conflict, and build the foundations of a happy life together.