Most of us have heard the term "helicopter parents" and understand that it refers to parents who are very closely involved in all aspects of their child's life, to the point of ignoring their autonomy. For some, the natural consequence of their actions is enabling adult children in ways that can hinder personal growth. If you suspect that you may be enabling your adult kids and want to stop enabling behaviors, read on for signs to look for and what you can do.
Parental enabling is a common phenomenon where parents unintentionally hinder their adult child’s growth and independence . It’s essential to recognize the signs of enabling behavior and take steps to stop it. Often enabling grows out of good intentions; after all, you want to offer your child physical, financial, and emotional support, but when taken too far, it can hinder a child's autonomy and, in some cases, even lead to mental illness.
Enabling behaviors can include financial support, making excuses for unhealthy behaviors, and helping your adult child avoid natural consequences, which can ultimately harm the adult child’s emotional well-being and mental health.
Understanding the effects of enabling is crucial for parents to break the cycle and foster a healthy, balanced relationship with their grown children.
Seeking professional help, such as online therapy, can provide parents with the necessary tools and guidance to overcome enabling behaviors, while setting clear boundaries and encouraging self-reliance are key components of stopping enabling behavior and promoting personal growth in young adults.
Enabling adult children can lead to financial dependence, poor problem-solving skills, and a lack of essential life skills, making it challenging for them to become self-sufficient. A child understands fairly early that it's a sweet deal when others do the work for them and may lean into enabling behaviors at a young age. However, enabling your adult child is a recipe for mental health disorders like anxiety or depression and can make it difficult for them to function in daily life.
Enabling behaviors can also strain parent-adult child relationships and impair the child’s ability to make responsible decisions and take care of their own problems. Recognizing the consequences of enabling is vital for parents to understand the importance of setting boundaries and encouraging independence in their grown children.
Enabling can also be detrimental to the parent’s mental and physical health, leading to feelings of guilt, shame, and burnout as they try to keep up with unhealthy and burdensome standards. Parents need to prioritize their own well-being and seek support from family members, support groups, or professional help to overcome enabling behaviors.
Enabling parents often confuse helping with supporting unhealthy behavior, leading to a cycle of dependence and enabling.
If you suspect that you may be enabling your adult child, here are some signs you can look for:
Enabling parents' behaviors can lead to an imbalance in the parent-adult child relationship and foster a lack of problem-solving skills, coping strategies, communication, and other important life skills that facilitate mental health and well-being, ultimately hindering their growth into responsible adults.
Recognizing these signs is crucial for parents to take the first step towards stopping enabling behavior and fostering a healthier relationship with their grown children. Seeking professional help, such as therapy, can help parents identify and address enabling behaviors.
Setting clear boundaries is essential for parents to stop enabling their grown children and promote independence, self-reliance, and personal growth. Healthy boundaries are a part of healthy support and can help your child understand how to set boundaries in their other relationships.
Boundaries also help parents establish a balanced relationship with their adult child, encouraging them to take responsibility for their actions and decisions. Rather than offering money or intervening on their behalf, you may:
Healthy boundaries enable parents to offer guidance and support while avoiding enabling behaviors, such as making excuses or providing financial support unnecessarily. Consistently enforcing boundaries is crucial for parents to help their adult child develop essential life skills and become self-sufficient.
Some parents may have difficulty setting boundaries because they were never taught themselves how to do this. Professional support can help educate you on how to set boundaries and learn to shift your adult child's behavior toward yourself.
Young adult children require space to grow independent, and when you've been overinvolved in their lives, you may see the consequences in your grown child. Working through these may be a lifelong journey, but there is help available.
At Williamsburg Therapy Group our team of doctoral-level Austin psychotherapists allows you to work with a trained professional that can be a part of the treatment plan, offering strategies to both the child and the parents, supporting emotional growth, and helping to build a strong supportive environment that allows the adult child to take responsibility for their own problems.
If you have an adult child who is experiencing difficulties, struggling with dependence, or having behavioral issues, talk therapy can help. You can seek treatment individually or together with your child by reaching out to our customer service coordinator to get matched with a mental health care professional who specializes in family relationships and who can offer tools and strategies to support both your child and the family.