How to Deal with Toxic Parents: 5 Essential Strategies for Healing

Toxic parents are unfortunately more common than many think. Most people understand the problem of physically abusive, toxic parents, but a toxic environment can encompass so much more than physical abuse. In this article, we'll take a closer look at what makes toxic parents, how to recognize the signs of a toxic relationship with your parents, and how to deal with toxic parents at any age.

Understanding Toxic Parents

First and foremost, it's essential to understand what a toxic mother or father looks like. Many of us may have a toxic relationship with one or both parents in our own life and not even recognize the fact. Toxic parents come in a variety of guises, including those who use physical abuse, sexual abuse, and emotional abuse to control and exploit their children.

A parent who doesn't teach a child to set boundaries can create a toxic environment in the same way a parent who yells at their child does.

What is a Toxic Parent?

A toxic parent is someone who consistently exhibits harmful behaviors towards their children, causing emotional distress and damage. Toxic parents may prioritize their own needs over their children’s wellbeing, leading to neglect and emotional abuse. This can look like:

• Expecting admiration or emotional support from their children
• Engaging in or ignoring sexual abuse
• Ignoring your feelings
• Becoming jealous of your other relationships
• Crossing your boundaries
• Taking out their emotions on you
• Oversharing private matters
• Asking you to take sides
• Blaming you for their problems
• Being overly harsh or critical, constantly putting you down
• Becoming too personally enmeshed with you, not allowing personal growth
• Setting up a golden child scenario
• Not teaching you how to set healthy boundaries from an early age

Recognizing the signs of a toxic parent is a crucial step before learning how to deal with toxic parents. When you understand that your parents have been engaging in toxic behavior, you can begin to move forward on your mental health journey.

Types of Toxic Parents

There are many types of toxic parents, including those who are emotionally and physically abusive and neglectful. Some toxic parents may exhibit narcissistic tendencies, prioritizing their own needs and desires over their children’s. Others may simply be emotionally immature, have low self-esteem, or are dealing with unresolved anger or trauma from their own upbringing.

Understanding the different types of toxic parents can help individuals identify their own experiences and seek help.

Recognizing the Signs of a Toxic Parent

Because many who have grown up in a household with toxic parents don't understand how to set boundaries, they may find it difficult to recognize that their toxic parent's behavior is what is creating emotional distance between them. They may have learned to blame themselves for any perceived problems. Let's look at some common traits of toxic parents to help differentiate them from healthy parents.

Common Traits of Toxic Parents

Toxic parents often exhibit self-centered behaviors, prioritizing their own needs over their children’s. They may be emotionally abusive, using constant criticism and belittling to control their children. Toxic parents may also be physically abusive, using physical violence to intimidate and control their children.

Outright child abuse is not always the issue, either. Some toxic parents have their own mental health issues or have spent their entire life in the thrall of their own toxic parents. They may chip away at self-esteem, completely unaware that their behaviors are problematic. They can love their children wholeheartedly but use manipulation or boundary-breaking to control them because they "know what is best." Recognizing common traits of toxic parents can help individuals identify toxic behavior in their own parents.

How to Deal With Toxic Parents

Once you recognize toxic behavior, you may start to learn how to deal with toxic parents. It isn't always easy, as toxic parents often use manipulation (consciously or unconsciously) to gain control.

Set Boundaries with Toxic Parents

Learning to set boundaries can be essential for maintaining emotional well-being when dealing with toxic parents. This may include limiting contact, setting clear expectations, and prioritizing self-care. Setting boundaries can help reduce stress and anxiety caused by toxic parenting, but it can take time to learn how to do this. Working with a therapist can help.

Creating Emotional Distance from a Toxic Parent

You may have to create emotional distance to deal with toxic parents and mitigate the effects of a toxic relationship. This can be done by reevaluating your expectations, sharing less information, and recognizing that you are not responsible for your parents’ emotions. Creating emotional distance can also help reduce feelings of guilt and shame.

Prioritizing Mental Health in Healing From Toxic Parents

A toxic upbringing from a narcissistic parent, family violence, emotional manipulation, or a lack of healthy relationships in a child's life can lead to mental and physical health issues throughout life if unaddressed.

The Importance of Mental Health

Toxic parenting can have a significant impact on mental health, leading to anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). In addition to learning to deal with toxic parents and addressing challenges like a lack of set boundaries, prioritizing your own mental health is crucial for healing and recovery from toxic parenting.

This focus can include seeking professional help, practicing self-care, and building a support system of friends, other family members, or support groups to help process and cope with negative feelings. You may have to limit contact or cut contact with your parent altogether in some cases. Follow your feelings in setting your own boundaries and focusing on your own growth.

Strategies for Prioritizing Mental Health and Self-Care

Self-care practices, such as exercise, meditation, and spending time in nature, can help reduce stress and anxiety. Self-care may also include healthy habits like getting regular exercise, prioritizing sleep, and eating a variety of nutrient-dense foods most of the time.

Build a support system, including friends, family, and a therapist, to provide emotional validation and guidance. A support system can be a strong protective factor for mental health. In addition, seeking professional help from a mental health expert can provide a safe and supportive environment to process emotions and work through the healing process.

Remember, you are not alone, and there is hope for healing and recovery.

Learning How to Deal With Toxic Parents in Miami, FL

Toxic parents can operate in a wide variety of ways, many unrecognizable to the children and young adults that grew up in that environment. Child abuse doesn't always mean constant criticism or physical abuse; it can also look like not acknowledging a child's feelings or overstepping set boundaries. Learning how to deal with toxic parents is possible, and seeking help is a sign of strength.

At Williamsburg Therapy Group, our team of doctoral-level Miami psychotherapists offers a number of evidence-based therapeutic approaches to talk therapy that offer a support system for learning the tools necessary for coping with toxic stuff while maintaining a relationship with parents (if wanted). They can also help with self-esteem challenges and unraveling learned emotional tactics that may be keeping them from learning how to build healthy relationships in their own lives.

A child's life may have been affected in many ways by toxic parents. Professional help can lead to less pain and a better quality of life, improved self-esteem, and helping those with toxic parents become healthy parents themselves. Contact our service coordinator to find the right therapist to help you talk about their life and feelings and work through your emotions in a healthy way.