Is My Family Dysfunctional? Signs, Causes, and Solutions to Consider

Dysfunctional families are a common experience, although there are a wide variety of types of family dysfunction, as well as severity. Understanding how and why parents fail, as well as learning more about healthy relationships, can help family members, including adult children, learn how to break the cycle of dysfunctional family systems and protect their own family from the same challenges they may have faced.

Understanding Dysfunctional Families

The first step toward healing is understanding the ways in which dysfunctional families operate. Most of us recognize that a household with sexual or physical abuse can be considered dysfunctional; however, there are any number of ways that family members can cause harm.

A dysfunctional family is characterized by persistent negative, unhealthy, or abusive interactions that impair members’ well-being. Dysfunctional families can take many forms, including chaotic, conflict-driven, abusive, pathological, emotionally neglectful, and overprotective families.

Family dysfunction can be caused by various factors, including substance abuse, mental health issues, and unhealthy parenting styles. Dysfunctional families are not always driven by nefarious actions, but often dysfunctional family members are victims of poor parenting styles themselves. In fact, certain factors that play in to dysfunction may not be anyone's fault, such as having a child or other close family member with complex medical needs.

Signs of a Dysfunctional Family

Dysfunctional families experience a wide range of challenges that may not be easily identifiable to the family members dealing with them. Here are some common signs that you or someone you love may be part of a dysfunctional family’s dynamics:

• Unpredictable and unstable home environment
• Poor boundaries and lack of structure
• Inconsistent discipline and unrealistic expectations
• Conflict and in-fighting
• Physical or sexual abuse
• Parents with low self-esteem or mental health issues
• Lack of open communication and emotional validation
• Unrealistic expectations and criticism, or different expectations for older or younger siblings
• Neglect of children’s needs and feelings

Dysfunctional Family Patterns

The dysfunction of a family can tell on members in the same variety of ways. In some families, criticism and blame are common problems. Emotionally immature parents may use these to gain control, or alleviate some of their own feelings. Mentally ill parents may use manipulation and control, emotional invalidation, or gaslighting to gain a sense of control or security over their children's lives.

Even otherwise healthy and well-meaning parents fail to use healthy communication all the time, and some parents can be prey to unrealistic expectations for their children. Poor conflict resolution patterns are learned and passed on to subsequent generations, and societal standards can be guilty of training them into a lack of emotional validation and support. Most dysfunctional families deal with these sorts of unconscious problems.

Then there are the traumas that can cause lifelong mental health problems, such as neglect and abandonment, and sexual abuse, emotional abuse, or physical abuse from a parent or family members.

Effects of Growing Up in a Dysfunctional Family

Growing up in dysfunctional families can lead to a number of emotional issues for a young child that often follow them into adulthood. Some of these include low self-esteem and self-worth, difficulty with emotional regulation and validation, and lack of trust and boundaries. Poor communication and a lack of modeling healthy conflict resolution can lead to future problems building intimacy and maintaining healthy relationships.

Some adult children who have grown up with dysfunctional parents may have trouble with emotional expression, feel like they're always walking on eggshells, and often don't feel like anything they accomplish is good enough. Individual or family therapy can help those who grew up in these environments learn how to process their trauma, build self-esteem, and learn healthy communication skills.

Causes of a Dysfunctional Family

Parents and their parenting styles are the primary root cause of dysfunctional families. Again, this does not make every parent of a dysfunctional family a villain. Some may be dealing with circumstances beyond their control, others may never have learned how to communicate well due to their own problematic childhoods.

Problems like substance abuse and mental health issues can cause or exacerbate already unhealthy parenting styles, with all of these contributing to family dysfunction.

Breaking Free from Dysfunctional Family Dynamics

To overcome growing up in a dysfunctional family, tailored strategies are available for different family dynamics. Abnormal child psychology, family therapy, and other therapeutic approaches can be helpful to navigating the issues around family dysfunction.

In addition, seeking support from others, such as therapy or support groups, can be helpful in breaking free from dysfunctional family dynamics.

Supporting Other Family Members

Supporting other family members who may be struggling with the effects of a dysfunctional family can be challenging. Encouraging open communication and emotional validation can help. Seeking professional help, such as family therapy, for family problems can also be beneficial.

Creating a Healthier Family Environment

Creating a healthier family environment requires effort and commitment from all family members. Working with a professional to establish clear boundaries and expectations can help. Learning and practicing healthy communication and conflict resolution skills can also contribute to a healthier family environment.

Overcoming the Legacy of a Dysfunctional Family

Overcoming the legacy of a dysfunctional family can be a long and challenging process. Seeking professional help, such as therapy, can be beneficial to address poor communication and other negative impacts on daily life.

Practicing self-compassion and self-forgiveness can also be helpful. In some cases, especially in cases of abuse, building healthy relationships with friends may be the alternative to maintaining contact with family members. Some adult children choose not to pursue relationships with emotionally immature or actively harmful family members, and that can be a healthy choice.

Healing and Recovery Strategies for Victims of Dysfunctional Families in Brooklyn

Healing and recovery from dysfunctional families require a range of strategies. Practicing self-care and self-compassion can help. Seeking support from others, such as therapy or support groups, can also be beneficial. However, in some cases, family problems may lead to the type of issues that require professional help and guidance.

At Williamsburg Therapy Group, our team of doctoral-level Brooklyn family psychotherapists offers a number of evidence-based therapeutic approaches to talk therapy that offer the tools necessary for coping with negative experiences from growing up in dysfunctional families, learning how to manage uncomfortable emotions, and learning the healthy communication skills that may not have been modeled for you as a young child.

If you are having trouble maintaining healthy relationships due to dysfunctional parents or other family members, call our service coordinator to be matched with a therapist that can offer social support, treat any underlying mental health condition that may have resulted, offer tools for healthy communication and conflict resolution, and help improve your adult relationships.