What is a Helicopter Parent and How It Impacts Your Child’s Life

Helicopter parenting or helicopter parents are topics frequently discussed across different forms of media, and most of us have a vague idea of what it involves. But fewer of us understand the repercussions of the helicopter parenting style, how exactly it affects children's lives, and what can be done to shift it into a more productive and healthy direction.

A helicopter parent is more than just a pushy parent, and helicopter parenting style has featured in child and family studies for years. So what exactly is helicopter parenting? How can overparenting affect a child's ability and autonomy in later life? How can you tell if you may be helicopter parents, and what can you do if so? This article will examine the phenomenon of helicopter parenting and how it can effect children's health, development, and well-being.

Definition of Helicopter Parenting

The term “helicopter parent” was first used in Dr. Haim Ginott’s 1969 book Between Parent and Teenager. Helicopter parenting is a parenting style characterized by excessive involvement and control by parents in their children’s lives. It involves parents paying extremely close attention to their kids’ activities and schoolwork to protect them from pain and disappointment and also to help them succeed. Known in the past as a "cosseting parent," helicopter parents aren't necessarily bad parents, just overly involved in a way that can affect children's lives.

Characteristics of Helicopter Parents

Helicopter parents tend to be overprotective and worry excessively about their children. They may avoid events like drop off birthday parties, as they worry that they won't know what the kids are doing. They often micromanage their children’s schedules and intervene frequently to make things smoother for their children. Some will contact the teachers of even their adult children to fight for better grades or to argue the results of a test.

Helicopter parents are known to be highly involved in their children’s lives, often to the point of being overly controlling. Overly involved parents can create dependence in their child's life, and prevent them from developing their own protective skills.

They may also be prone to overparenting, which can lead to a range of negative effects on their child's development.

Causes of Helicopter Parenting

Helicopter parenting can develop for many reasons, but common triggers include fear of dire consequences, feelings of anxiety, overcompensation, and peer pressure from other parents.

Parents may also become helicopter parents due to a desire to protect their children from harm or to ensure their success. Helicopter parents tend to be overinvolved in their children's lives with good intentions, from protecting their toddler's from disappointment to protecting their college students well being. However, this type of parental involvement does more harm than good.

Additionally, societal pressures and expectations can contribute to the development of helicopter parenting. Some helicopter parents fear what their family, friends, or neighbors will think if they aren't completely immersed in their child's life.

Effects of Helicopter Parenting

The effects of helicopter parenting on a child's well being and future success. Child and family studies show that too much parental involvement can have a negative impact on a child's life, although there can be some positive effects as well. Let's take a closer look at some of the ways helicopter parenting can effect kids lives.

Negative Effects of Helicopter Parenting on Children

According to the precepts of developmental psychology, helicopter parenting can negatively impact a child’s mental health, self-image, and coping skills. Children of helicopter parents may struggle with self-reliance, decision-making, and problem-solving skills.

This parenting style can also lead to experiences of increased anxiety, a sense of entitlement, and undeveloped life skills in high school and college students.

Furthermore, helicopter parenting can hinder a child’s ability to develop essential life skills, such as resilience and confidence.

Positive Effects of Helicopter Parenting on Children

Children of helicopter parents tend to arrive on time, have their homework done, and be prepared for their activities. Helicopter parents tend to know who their child is with and how they’re doing in school, and will work tirelessly to support them if they’re struggling academically with illnesses, bullying issues, or mental health concerns.

Parental involvement can aid healthy development when done in a way that is developmentally appropriate. Being involved in a child's life is a good thing if it allows for growth and is limited to their younger years. It's when this parenting style becomes extreme or continues with high school and college students that it can become detrimental.

Signs You Are a Helicopter Parent

So, how do you spot helicopter parents? Or how do you know if you may be a helicopter parent yourself? Here are some common signs of a helicopter parenting style:

• You consistently intervene in your child’s life, make decisions for them, or do tasks for them
• You pay extremely close attention to all aspects of your child's life and try to assert control over them
• You struggle to let go and allow your child to make their own decisions and take risks
• You may also be prone to over-parenting, taking on your child's battles for them, even if they are teens or young adults

The Psychology Behind Helicopter Parents

Helicopter parenting often stems from a desire to protect their children in every way possible, which can lead to excessive and overbearing behaviors.

A helicopter parent may also be driven by high anxiety or even anxiety disorders, which can make them very worried about their children and lead them to be overinvolved in their lives.

Additionally, societal pressures and expectations can contribute to the development of helicopter parenting.

Real-Life Examples of Helicopter Parenting

The following are some examples of helicopter parenting:

• Doing a child’s homework or project to ensure they get a good grade
• Overscheduling a child’s free time with activities and appointments
• Constantly shadowing a child
• Selecting their friends and activities
• Providing disproportionate help with homework and school projects
• Continuing to oversee your child's life, even when they are college students

Moving Away from Helicopter Parenting

Developmental psychology teaches that parental involvement isn't inherently bad and can be excellent for a child's development, provided it doesn't become overprotective parenting. Children tend to thrive when a parent is interested in their lives in a healthy way. Here are some ways you can avoid being a helicopter mom or dad and still remain a strong presence in your child's lives.

Alternatives to Helicopter Parenting

There are several alternatives to helicopter parenting, which have their own set of pros and cons.

• Authoritative parenting, which involves setting clear boundaries and expectations while also being responsive to a child’s needs
• Permissive parenting, which involves giving children a lot of freedom and autonomy
• Attachment parenting, which involves building a strong emotional bond with a child

How to Reverse the Effects of Helicopter Parenting

If you recognize that you have been a helicopter parent and are concerned about the mental health and development of your child, here are some things you can do.

Recognize the patterns of helicopter parenting and take steps to change. You may want to recruit emotional support for this through family therapy or support groups. Often, helicopter parents are experiencing their own mental health issues, including anxiety disorders that may drive these behaviors. A therapist can help you manage your feelings and learn healthy coping skills. They may also guide you through strategies to set boundaries and allow children to make their own decisions and take risks They can also help you encourage your children to develop essential life skills, such as resilience and confidence.

Moving Away From Helicopter Parenting in Brooklyn

Helicopter parenting can have a range of negative effects on children, including decreased self-reliance, decision-making, and problem-solving skills. However, by recognizing the signs of helicopter parenting and taking steps to change, parents can help their children develop essential life skills and promote healthy development.

At Williamsburg Therapy Group our team of doctoral-level Brooklyn family therapists offer a number of evidence-based therapeutic approaches to talk therapy that offer the tools necessary for managing stress and promoting self-care, emotional support, and strategies for young adults and children that can help them thrive. They can also share healthy coping skills and habits that can create strong protective factors against life challenges for parents and children alike.

If you suspect that you are a helicopter mom or dad, call our patient coordinator to find the right therapist to help you feel in control of your life again By moving away from helicopter parenting and towards more balanced and responsive parenting styles, parents can help their children thrive and reach their full potential.