How to Talk About Self-Harm: A Guide for Compassionate Conversations

Self-harm can be a touchy subject even between people with close relationships. Self-harm behaviors are often hidden, and speaking up when you notice self-harming can lead to defensive behaviors from the person who is using it to cope with their pain.

However, ignoring self-injury can be a problem, as self-harm behaviors can lead to more severe ones up to and including attempts to take their own life. So how can we speak up when we notice that a close friend or family member may be using self-harm as a coping mechanism?

Understanding Self-Harm

First step: let's take a closer look at what self-harm is. Educating yourself on self-harming practices can help you to have a better understanding of potential underlying issues and help you to spot when it's happening.

What is self-harm?

Self-harm, also known as self-injury, is when people intentionally hurt themselves without intending to kill themselves. Self-harm can take many forms, including cutting, burning, and other forms of self-injury. It is not a sign of weakness but rather a coping mechanism used by some people to deal with emotional pain and distress.

Self-harm is often associated with mental health disorders, such as depression, anxiety, and eating disorders. People who self-harm may also experience overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, and emotional pain.

Types of self-harm include cutting and burning the skin. The most common form is cutting, and you may notice someone engaging in this behavior wears long sleeves even in hot weather.

Why Do People Self-Harm?

People may self-harm for various reasons, including to cope with pain and distress. Self-harm can be a way to release pent-up emotions and feelings of anxiety and depression, and it can also be a way to feel in control and to cope with feelings of powerlessness.

Self-harm may be a symptom of underlying mental health disorders, such as depression, anxiety, and personality disorders. People self-harm often in response to trauma, abuse, or neglect they have experienced in their lives.

Approaching the Conversation

If you have noticed signs of self-harm in someone you care about, it can be important to speak up. But doing so in the right way can help you avoid conflict.

Starting a Conversation About Self-Harm

When approaching a young person about self-harm, it’s essential to be aware of the guilt and embarrassment associated with the topic. Adults often worry about saying the wrong thing to young people who self-harm and making the issue worse, but using the right language can help alleviate this concern.

Self-harm is often secretive, making it challenging to approach the subject. When talking to a young person about self-harm, it’s crucial to use supportive language and avoid judgment. Start the conversation by expressing concern and asking open-ended questions. Don't offer positive platitudes, and really listen to what they have to say. Don't take it personally if they become defensive. This is a difficult thing to have brought to light.

Supporting Someone Who Self Harms

It's not enough to just talk to someone who is performing self-harm; offer both emotional support and practical resources.

Providing Support and Resources for Mental Health

If someone you know is self-harming, it’s essential to provide support and resources that can help them learn healthy coping strategies. Listen to them without judgment and offer a non-judgmental space to talk.

Encourage them to seek professional help from a therapist or mental health professional, and offer to help them find the right therapist. Also offer to help them find resources, such as support groups or hotlines. Remind them that they are not alone and that there is help available.

Breaking Down Myths and Stigma

There are a number of myths around self-harm behaviors that can play into stigma. A common myth is that self-harm is an attention-seeking behavior. There are a number of reasons that a person may self-harm, including managing upsetting thoughts, regulating emotions, trying to feel something, expressing themselves in a way that words can't, and offering themselves care through tending their wounds.

Others may believe that self-harm is like a suicide attempt. While there can be overlap between self-harm and suicidal thoughts, these are two separate behaviors.

People also often believe that self-harm is something typically done by a young person, young girls in particular. Young people may engage in these behaviors more often than their adult counterparts, but the truth is that people of any age, population, and background may be at risk for self-harm.

Finally, some may believe that self-harm should be ignored and that it's none of their business. People who self-harm are often dealing with other mental health conditions that are treatable. In addition, self-harm behaviors can put a person at greater risk of more self-harm and even lead to taking their own life if not addressed. Encourage any self-harming friend or family member to seek help.

Recovery and Support

When someone self-harms, family members can feel angry about these behaviors, but showing that kind of judgment makes the self-harmed person feel worse. When you notice warning signs of self-mutilation, a trusted adult should take the time to identify any negative thoughts that may be contributing and offer to help them get the professional help that can offer healthy ways to deal with life when they feel overwhelmed.

Recovery from Self-Harm

Recovery from self-harm involves addressing the underlying causes and developing healthy coping mechanisms. It’s essential to seek help from a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counselor. Talking to someone who is non-judgemental can be an important first step in learning how to deal with big feelings and distressing thoughts.

Support groups and hotlines can also provide a safe space to talk and connect with others who have experienced self-harm.

Remember that recovery is a process, and it’s essential to be patient and compassionate with oneself and your loved ones. Celebrate small victories and acknowledge progress along the way.

Supporting Loved Ones With Self-Harming Behaviors in Miami, FL

Promote a supportive environment by talking openly and honestly about self-harm. Encourage others to seek help and support if they are struggling with self-harm. Break down myths and stigma surrounding self-harm by educating oneself and others. Provide resources and support to those who are struggling with self-harm. Most importantly, remember that recovery is possible, and seeking help is a sign of strength.

At Williamsburg Therapy Group, our team of doctoral-level psychotherapists offers a number of evidence-based therapeutic approaches to talk therapy that offer the tools necessary for learning self-compassion, managing stress and negative feelings, and building healthy coping mechanisms for negative emotions.

People self-harm for many reasons, common risk factors being anxiety disorder, depression, personality disorders, and trauma. Professional help can lead to less pain and a better quality of life. Contact our service coordinator to find the right Miami therapist to help your child, friend, or other family member talk about their life and feelings and work through their emotions in a healthy way.