The Best Questions to Ask in a New Relationship, According to Experts

What questions to ask in new relationship can guide you toward a better understanding of whether you are actually compatible with your new partner. By learning more about a new partner, you can avoid misunderstandings, learn how to navigate stressful times, and understand more about their communication style.

If you are just getting to know a person, spend time asking a few questions to find out more about who they are. Here are a few topics that can help you determine whether you are just having fun, or looking toward the long term.

Understanding Each Other’s Past

Before looking to the future, take some time to look at the past. These relationship questions range from your partner's childhood experience, to their past relationships, and can help you create a better picture of how these events have shaped who they are.

• What habits from past relationships are you actively working to change in a new partnership?
• What are the best lessons you’ve learned from your past relationships?
• How did your family celebrate exciting moments—like birthdays, holidays, and achievements—when you were growing up?
• What’s your favorite childhood memory?
• What did your parents or caregivers teach you about love and relationships?

Relationship Expectations

These relationship questions have to do with what your potential partner is looking for in a relationship. These can prevent you from wasting your time if your core values are not aligned.

• What are you looking for in a partner?
• What does a successful relationship look like to you?
• What are your goals in life, and how do you see a relationship fitting into those goals?
• How much importance do you place on honesty and transparent communication in a relationship?
• What are your expectations for relationship satisfaction, and how can we work together to achieve it?
• In three words, tell me what you are looking for in a partner

Communication and Trust

A deep sense of trust and open communication can help you feel loved in a relationship. Life with a partner you can't trust can be stressful and lead to arguments and negative feelings on both sides. Find out whether your values of trust align by asking these questions.

• How much importance do you place on honesty and transparent communication in a relationship?
• What does good communication look like to you?
• How do you handle conflict?
• What’s your love language?
• How do you think you’ve changed over the last five years?

Intimacy and Boundaries

Pillow talk can help you find out more about your partner's take on physical intimacy and women's health. Here are some questions to ask your partner when you want to know everything they think or believe about sex.

• How comfortable are you expressing your sexual needs, desires, and preferences?
• How significant is sexual compatibility in a relationship? How would you approach discrepancies in sexual desires?
• What are your deal breakers or boundaries in a relationship, and how can we show that we respect each other’s boundaries?
• What does intimacy look like to you?
• How do you like to be complimented?

Lifestyle and Values

Sometimes the questions to ask don't have to be deep questions, but fun questions. You can achieve emotional intimacy by finding out more about what makes them tick. These questions can offer light hearted conversation during a date.

• What is your ideal day? One that includes a full work day and doesn’t?
• What are three things you can’t live without?
• What would you do if someone handed you a million dollars?
• What type of trip would you take if you could go anywhere tomorrow?
• What was your worst haircut?
• What is your favorite video game (if they play video games)?
• What is your favorite memory?
• Tell me a funny story from your childhood
• What's the best gift you ever received?
• Where do you want to go on your next trip?
• What activity is at the top of your bucket list?

Painting a Good Relationship

Are they looking for a long term partner? What are their sexual needs, and how do they determine what makes a great relationship? Ask your partner these questions to find out what a healthy relationship looks like to them and whether you have a shared vision.

• What makes you happiest in a relationship?
• How do you define cheating within a committed relationship?
• What are your expectations for relationship satisfaction, and how can we work together to achieve it?
• What’s your ideal date?
• What do you tend to worry about the most in your relationships?
• What was your biggest regret in a past relationship?
• How many children (if any) are you interested in having in the future?

New Relationship Dynamics

• How do you see our relationship evolving in the next few months?
• What are your thoughts on introducing each other to friends and family?
• How do you handle jealousy or insecurity in a new relationship?
• How much involvement should family have in your relationship?
• What’s your dream vacation?
• What does your favorite date look like?
• How do you like to spend quality time in a relationship?
• What can I do to make you feel loved?
• What do you enjoy doing most in your free time?

Finding a Partner for Life in Brooklyn

A licensed marriage and family therapist can help you navigate these questions, as well. If you find that you and your partner are committed to building a long term relationship in the future, it can be worthwhile to meet with a therapist to help facilitate communication around important issues.

At Williamsburg Therapy Group, our team of doctoral-level Brooklyn psychotherapists offers evidence-based therapeutic approaches, including couples counseling, to help you and your partner find out what you are looking for in life.

Give us a call today and our patient coordinator will help you find the right therapist to offer emotional support as well as tools and strategies to help you build strong communication skills with your partner, and get on the same page about relationships and how you both approach life, love, and family.