What to Do When Your Parents Are Fighting: A Guide to Coping and Staying Strong

Parents fighting can be a stressful situation, and one that can feel intensely personal. However, it's important to understand that when parents argue, it's between them, and doesn't have anything to do with you. In this article, we'll break down some of the common reasons for parental conflict, and share strategies for how to protect yourself both physically and emotionally.

Understanding the Situation

It’s normal for parents to argue and fight, but it’s not your fault - parents fighting is a common experience for many children.

Parents argue about various issues, including finances, parenting styles, and household responsibilities—family conflict is a natural part of family dynamics.

However, witnessing parents’ fights can be stressful and affect your emotional well-being - family stress can impact children’s mental health. Remember that you’re not alone, and many children experience parents arguing - seeking support from family members or a school counselor can be helpful.

Staying Safe During a Parents' Fight

If you feel unsafe or threatened when your parents argue, try to remove yourself from the situation. You want to prioritize your physical and emotional safety. Find a safe space, such as your room or a trusted neighbor’s house, and go there until the fight is over. Having a plan for emergency situations can be reassuring.

Avoid taking sides or getting involved in the argument - staying neutral can help reduce tension and conflict.

Most importantly, if you or one of your parents is in immediate danger, call 911 or a crisis hotline for help. Knowing when to seek help is crucial in situations involving fighting parents.

Coping with the Emotional Fallout When Parents Are Fighting

It’s normal to feel sad, worried, or scared when your parents argue, and acknowledging your emotions can help you process and cope with the situation.

Engage in activities that bring you comfort and relaxation, such as reading, drawing, or listening to music - finding healthy coping mechanisms can help reduce stress and anxiety.

You may also talk to a trusted friend, family member, or school counselor about your feelings - sharing your emotions with someone you trust can be helpful in processing your emotions.

Remember that you’re not responsible for your parents’ conflict - parents’ arguments are not a reflection of your worth or actions.

Communicating with Your Parents

If you feel comfortable doing so, try talking to your parents about how their fighting affects you. Open communication can help resolve conflicts and improve family dynamics.

Use “I” statements to express your feelings and avoid blaming or accusing language. Effective communication can help reduce conflict and improve relationships, and if your parents understand that their fights make you feel upset or feel helpless, they may be more willing to take it to a private place.

Set clear boundaries and expectations for how you want to be treated during conflicts - assertive communication can help you feel more in control and respected.

If your parents are open to listen, encourage them to seek family therapy or counseling to work through conflicts and improve communication. Research suggests that professional help can be beneficial in resolving family conflicts.

Dealing with the Aftermath

Give yourself time to process your emotions and reflect on the conflict. Taking this time to reflect can help you gain perspective and closure, and may help if you feel guilty, sad, or upset when your parents are fighting.

Try to understand that your parents’ conflict is not a reflection of your worth or actions - separating your self-worth from your parents’ conflicts can help you maintain a positive self-image. Engage in activities that promote relaxation and stress reduction, such as exercise or meditation - finding healthy ways to manage stress can help you cope with the aftermath of a parents’ fight.

Seek support from friends, family members, or a counselor at school if you’re struggling to cope with the aftermath. A robust support system can be helpful in processing your emotions.

Seeking Support and Resources

Reach out to a trusted adult, such as a teacher, or trusted family friend, for support and guidance - having a support system can be essential for mental health when things feel bad due to fighting in the family.

If your parents are willing to talk, consider seeking family therapy or counseling to work through conflicts and improve communication. Professional help can be beneficial in resolving family conflicts, helping your parents to talk things out rather than fighting or name calling.

You may also look into local resources, such as support groups or online forums, for children of parents who fight. Even if your parents aren't willing to seek help, connecting with others who have experienced similar situations can be helpful in processing your emotions.

Remember that you’re not alone, and many children experience fights between their parents - seeking support and resources can help you cope with the situation.

Building Resilience and Coping Skills

Develop healthy coping mechanisms, such as exercise, reading, or creative activities, to manage stress and anxiety - finding healthy ways to manage stress can help you build resilience. Other ways you can build resilience to cope with family conflicts include:

• Practice self-care and prioritize your physical and emotional well-being
• Seek out positive relationships and social connections, such as friends or extracurricular activities, to build a support network
• Focus on building your own relationships and interests outside of your family

When to Seek Help for Parents’ Fights

If you feel threatened or unsafe during a parents’ fight, seek help immediately. Go to the home a trusted neighbor or friend, or to a safe space like a library or public establishment. Prioritizing your own physical and emotional safety is crucial.

If your parents won't stop arguing and you are struggling to cope with the aftermath, or if you’re experiencing persistent feelings of sadness, anxiety, or stress due to your parents’ fighting, consider seeking help from a trusted adult, or even a mental health professional. Remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness - don’t hesitate to reach out for support if you need it.

Creating a Safe Space in Brooklyn

Many parents try to raise children in a safe environment, but it can be difficult when they have difficulty with conflict resolution, emotional regulation, or any other number of issues that can cause one parent to fight with the other parent continually.

At Williamsburg Therapy Group, our team of doctoral-level psychotherapists offers a variety of evidence-based approaches and specializations, and allows you to work with a provider that can help you establish appropriate boundaries with your parents, learn to avoid taking responsibility for yourself, and help you feel safe.

If you are looking for help, call today to speak with a service coordinator who can find the right therapist to offer you emotional support, as well as tools to help you stay calm and talk out any feelings that you may have in connection with parental conflict.