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When one partner has an affair, it can cause enormous amounts of hurt and betrayal. Some relationships may not survive an unfaithful partner, but others can with some help. That's where affair recovery therapy comes in.
Affair Recovery Therapy on This Page:
Couples therapy after infidelity: how can it help?
Where Infidelity Counseling Can Fall Short
5 Ways to Know if Affair Recovery is Possible
How to Recover From an Affair with Couples Therapy
Couples therapy after infidelity: how can it help?
After an affair, trust is broken, and many feel that it's impossible to regain trust. However, with strong communication, some effort, and the right tools, many couples can rebuild trust with the help of a therapist. A therapist understands how to facilitate the healing of relationship issues and may help the couple understand how the affair happened in the first place.
Why does infidelity happen?
Often, when an affair happens, one or both partners may not even really understand why. There may be a lot of underlying reasons, including low self-esteem, poor communication, dissatisfaction in the relationship, revenge, and many others. By working with a third party, a couple can process what happened and try to get past the infidelity while healing the underlying issues.
That being said, an affair can come in many forms. Here are a few common types.
Cyber or Online Affairs
Online affairs can happen when a person doesn't believe that exchanging words and photos constitutes infidelity. However, this breach of trust can be painful and damaging, even if the unfaithful partner never meets their cyber relationship partner in person. An online affair can be as simple as two people spending more time chatting with each other than their relationship partner. An emotional bond can develop and create a breach in their real-life relationship. Some may also exchange sexual texts or photos or use video messaging to engage in sexual acts.
Sexual Affair
A sexual affair can be anything from a one-night stand to an ongoing sexual relationship with another person outside of marriage or an established relationship. A sexual affair may involve sexual intimacy with or without an emotional bond or attachment.
Emotional Affair
An emotional affair is when one partner reaches out to someone to meet emotional needs that are traditionally the province of a romantic partner or spouse. It often begins with friendship, with the boundary lines eventually becoming blurred and then disappearing altogether. While there isn't physical risk with emotional affairs (no potential STIs), the toll of an emotional affair can be devastating to the psyche.
Where Infidelity Counseling Can Fall Short
Infidelity counseling can help to re-establish a healthy relationship, but it may not always be successful. In some cases, it may not even be the best option. In cases of emotional, sexual, or even physical abuse, the betrayed partner can be better off leaving the relationship. In other cases, the couple may have long-standing, deep-seated problems that aren't surmountable, even with education and emotional support.
Healing is possible!
However, affair recovery is possible through emotionally focused therapy with a licensed professional counselor. Even after an affair, for many couples, the attachment bond remains strong. The healing process begins with a safe space, a mutual wish to continue the relationship, and strong communication skills.
5 Ways to Know if Affair Recovery is Possible
So how do you know whether your marriage or relationship is worth saving? There are some factors that you can examine to determine whether infidelity recovery counseling is for you.
Was the pre-affair marriage worth saving?
Were you previously happy in your marriage? Sometimes an affair can be an indicator that the marriage is over. If you have spent years not really communicating, or your spouse has been abusive, now may be the time to call it quits. If the relationship was strong and the partner who was unfaithful is repentant and has terminated the affair, then affair recovery is possible.
What's not working?
Do you understand what precipitated the affair? What hasn't been working, and is it something that you are willing to work on now? (Lack of communication, mental health condition, dealing with grief, emotional betrayal, etc.) Sometimes a couple decides that the underlying issue is a deal breaker, with or without the added challenge of an affair. Others may be ready to tackle the problem and start healing.
Are you willing to seek professional counseling?
Another potential roadblock is that your partner may not be willing to attend therapy. The recovery process will generally require couple therapy as well as individual therapy for one or both partners. If one is unwilling to participate in couples therapy as one of the next steps, there is less of a chance of getting past the initial phase after the affair is discovered.
The Betrayed Partner
The betrayed partner must be willing to invest in affair recovery. Sometimes the hurt of betrayal for someone who has experienced infidelity is not surmountable, even with the help of couples therapy.
The Unfaithful Spouse
In the same vein, the unfaithful partner may not be willing to heal the marriage, either. They may have strayed for some reason that they are unwilling to back down from. They may also have started a new relationship with their affair partner and want to leave the old relationship for the new one.
How to Recover From an Affair with Couples Therapy
A couples therapist is a facilitator and an educator. Couples therapy can dig down to discover the root of the challenges in your relationship that may have caused the partner to stray. Therapy offers a safe space to share feelings and hash out the pain that the affair caused. With the help of a therapist, couples can rebuild trust by learning how to communicate their feelings, recognize the shortcomings of their partner and themselves, and work on any underlying mental health challenges that may have contributed to the crisis.
Summing Up Affair Recovery Therapy
Commitment is possible, even after an affair has run its course. Many mental health therapists work with partners who have been hurt by affairs and help them process the pain and build understanding to help avoid infidelity in the future. If you have a relationship worth saving, then therapy can be the way to move forward and learn to grow stronger together.
Williamsburg Therapy Group is home to Austin’s best couples therapists. Talking to a licensed professional can improve the relationship’s chance of survival.
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