How to Talk to a Person I’m Interested In: Effective Tips & Strategies

It can be nerve-wracking to navigate conversation when you have a genuine interest in someone, whether they’re a person you just met online or someone you’ve been interested in getting to know for a long time. You may not only feel unsure of whether they are romantically interested themselves but may also be unsure how to appropriately express interest in them. Let’s take a closer look at ways to keep the conversation flowing when you’re talking to someone you find attractive.

Introduction to Talking to People

Understanding body language is crucial to determine if they’re interested in talking to you, and to help you avoid coming on too strongly or turning them off. Building confidence is key to starting a conversation with a person you like, while being a good listener and showing genuine interest can make you stand out. A therapist or dating coach can provide valuable advice on how to approach people in real life.

Start talking to people in social settings to gain experience and build confidence. If you have close friends you aren’t interested in romantically, this can be a good jumping-off point to practice your communication without feeling intimidated.

Building Confidence

To start with, focus on your strengths and positive qualities to boost your self-esteem. Practice talking to people in low-pressure situations, like a coffee shop or a social gathering. Pay close attention to your body language and make sure you appear approachable.

Take small steps to challenge yourself and step out of your comfort zone, and don’t forget to celebrate your successes, no matter how small, to build momentum and confidence.

Starting a Conversation

Being a good conversationalist can come naturally, but for most it’s a skill that needs practice. Here are some tips for small talk that can help someone start to open up.

Use open-ended questions to start a conversation and keep it flowing. For example: “What do you think about [insert popular TV show or pop culture reference]?”

Find common ground or shared interests to build a connection. Ask if there is a particular book or movie they enjoy discussing, talk about childhood pets, or share nostalgic pop culture references. Let them guide the conversation.

Be honest and authentic in your approach, and don’t try to be someone you’re not. Many people can sense when someone isn’t genuine. Be yourself, and if they’re interested, you won’t have to struggle to keep up a lie.

Use humor to break the ice and make the conversation more enjoyable. Share a funny story, or talk a bit about yourself with some lighthearted, self-deprecating humor.

Remember that follow-up questions can help deepen the conversation, but avoid overly personal questions until you’ve started talking comfortably on surface-level topics.

Breaking the Ice

There are a few ways you can break the ice and get the conversation started. Use a fun activity or a unique experience to create a memorable moment. You can also ask for advice or opinions to show that you value their thoughts and ideas. Or talk about your favorite activities or hobbies to find common ground, always making sure to ask for their opinions rather than simply sharing your own.

When talking to someone you like, use a lighthearted and playful tone to set a positive and relaxed atmosphere, while also being respectful and considerate of their feelings and boundaries.

Getting to Know the Person You Like

Ask open-ended questions to get to know them better and understand their interests. Listen attentively to what they have to say and show that you’re genuinely interested. Share your own experiences and stories to build a connection and create mutual understanding. Ask about past relationships or experiences to gain insight into their values and expectations. Be patient and don’t rush the conversation—let it unfold naturally.

Ask about their childhood, family, or pets to get a glimpse into their personal life. Most people enjoy sharing about themselves, so don’t be afraid to make the first move. Ask specific questions such as “What was your favorite game to play?” or “Have you ever had a weird supernatural experience?” Be attentive to their reactions—if they shut down and don’t want to talk about it, don’t push it.

You can also talk about books, movies, or music to find common interests. Ask about their favorite place to hang out, what movie changed their life, or the best compliment they ever received. Ask about their goals, aspirations, hidden talents, or bucket list to understand what drives them. Be curious and ask further open-ended questions to delve deeper.

Active Listening

Pay close attention to what they’re saying and show that you’re engaged. Use verbal and non-verbal cues to show that you’re interested and attentive. Smile and make eye contact when they speak, and avoid interrupting or dismissing their thoughts and feelings.

Use reflective listening to paraphrase and summarize what they’re saying, and don’t forget to ask follow-up questions to go deeper.

Staying Calm

It’s normal to feel nervous when you’re talking to someone you like. Use relaxation techniques, such as meditation or deep breathing, to calm your nerves.

Focus on the present moment and the conversation at hand. Avoid worrying about what might happen in the future, and try to stay grounded.

Beforehand, use positive visualization to imagine a good outcome. You can practice what you want to say in front of a mirror or talk through your nerves with friends.

Using Technology and Social Media

Dating is very much an online process in today’s world. You can use dating apps to find someone who aligns more with your worldview or who is looking for a person like you. You can also use social media to get to know them better and understand their interests.

If you’ve just met, exchange handles and follow them on social media to see what they’re posting. Use social media to start a conversation or make a comment on a post. Be respectful and considerate of their online boundaries and privacy. While you may use social media to facilitate communication, don’t rely solely on it.

Asking Them Out on a First Date

Be confident and direct when asking someone out, and avoid being too vague. Use a specific and clear invitation so they don’t have to guess.

If you’ve already gotten to know them a little bit, you can be original and cater the date to their interests. For example, if they’re into food, you might suggest trying a cooking class together.

In any case, be respectful and considerate of their feelings and boundaries. Use positive language to create a supportive atmosphere. Be prepared for rejection, and don’t take it personally if they aren’t interested.

Talking to a Person You Like in Miami, FL

When you can learn to talk to people more comfortably and with genuine interest, you’ll feel more confident when it comes to connecting with someone you like. And understanding the signs that someone likes you can help move past small talk and deepen the connection.

If you’re looking for a dating coach, working with a therapist can be an effective way to expand your communication skills.

At Williamsburg Therapy Group, our team of doctoral-level Coral Gables psychotherapists can help you communicate in an open and honest way, and navigate the dating world in a way that feels fun and inviting.

If, despite pursuing relationships and fulfillment, you struggle with feelings of anxiety and fear, reach out to our customer service coordinator to get matched with a professional who can help you recognize conversational challenges, boost your self-esteem, and learn to speak with confidence—without awkwardness.